


Jurassic Snark

by merelypassingtime



Series: The Well of Lost Plots [1]
Category: Jurassic Park (1993), Jurassic Park (Movies), Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Crack, Ficlet, Humor, I only write crack, M/M, but that is okay, dinolock
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-31
Updated: 2016-05-31
Packaged: 2018-07-11 08:14:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7040413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/merelypassingtime/pseuds/merelypassingtime
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sherlock/Jurassic Park crossover. Enough said.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Jurassic Snark

John slammed the heavy door behind them cutting off the eery screeches of the velociraptors close on their heels. Seconds later there was a thud against the door and claws scrabbling against the door. Then it was suddenly, shockingly quiet. John stood warily at the door for several minutes but the ravenous pack seemed to have moved on. 

He turned around to survey the room they had fled into. It seemed to be a some sort of employee lounge area. A fully equipped kitchen stood at one end of the room along with several cafe tables. The other end had an entertainment center, foosball table and a comfortable looking couch that was currently sporting the lanky git of a scientist who had been spiking his blood pressure in more ways than one since he got on this island. The smug bastard actually looked relaxed, eyes closed, fingers steepled underneath his chin.

“What the hell was that, Mr. Holmes?!”

“Sherlock, please.” The berk didn't even open his eyes to respond.

“So sorry, Sherlock,” John bit back. “But what were you thinking? That velociraptor was standing still, it hadn't seen us. If you had let me alone for five more bloody seconds I could have finished lining up my shot and we would be feasting on mankind's first ever wild-caught roast of raptor instead of cowering in here like mice!”

“Oh please, I am hardly cowering. Besides, what you completely failed to observe Doctor Watson,” and John couldn't help but interrupt the condescension given to his title with a sarcastic, “John, please.”

“Well then John, what you failed to notice was the other two velociraptors who where moving in from the sides to ambush us. If I had given you your precious five seconds it would have been the raptors feasting on very much not their first taste of wild-caught human.”

“That- well.. Oh.” Now that he thought about it, there had been three raptors chasing them soon after Sherlock had bolted. “So you saw them closing in?”

“No,” Sherlock waved his hand at the stupidity of people who had to see things to know them. “The raptor in front of us was clearly tracking our movements with her eye and yet did not attack. That combined with the trail we passed earlier clearly showing the claw prints of three distinct raptors and the trap was not hard to deduce.”

“That was amazing.”

“You think so?”

“Of course it was. It was extraordinary. It was quite... extraordinary.”

“That is not-” but before he could finish the joke he planned to turn the tension in to a much needed laugh, he made the mistake of looking at the adorable, diminutive paleontologist. The next thing he could remember, John was on the couch pressing down over him and they were snogging like their lives depended on the continuation of their kiss.

The next several minutes were a blur of kisses, licks, touching and shed clothing. Everything was made much easier with the tube of lip ointment John had in his pocket for his constantly chapped lips. Then there were fingers stretching, heat , beautiful pressure and glorious, mind blanking release. 

Afterward, they laid together on the narrow couch, John's head pillowed on Sherlock's shoulder, Sherlock's fingers tracing absent equations on John's back. It was blissfully quiet.

Until the door knob rattled, accompanied by the howl of a velociraptor.

“Oh my god! They have figured out how to use door handles, RUN!”

The End

**Author's Note:**

> And John and Sherlock got away from the raptors, rejoined the rest of the group, who very politely did not ask why they were naked and they pointedly did not ask why Anderson was naked but Sherlock refused to ever make eye contact with him again, and got off the island. Mr. Hammon was so sorry about the whole thing he funded John on a paleontological world tour and Sherlock tagged along and solved crimes. They earned the Three Continents title together. And they all lived happily ever after.


End file.
